Tigers vs Westerners

There's a bit of buzz going on with Amy Chau's book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother and her "tiger" type of parenting style. I read this article "Chinese moms vs. Western moms: Is there a mother superior?" and just today I read this this man's response, "'Tiger Mothers' Leave Lifelong Scars". In short, Ms. Chau is arguing that the strict Chinese parenting style is superior and produces smarter, more successful children compared to Western parenting.

Some examples of this strict parenting includes not allowing her kids to go to sleep overs or play dates, forcing them to master the piano and/or violin, arguing that nothing is fun until you're good at it. And to be good at something it takes a lot of hard work.

I am in a unique situation because my father is full Chinese and my mom is Caucasian, a little East meets West. When I was growing up my parents were not nearly as strict as tiger parents. And after reading some of these articles and responses, I'm glad I didn't have such a strict upbringing. What I remember most from my childhood is their saying, "do your best, we can't ask for more than that."

As a girl eager to please her parents I took that saying to heart and often enforced it upon myself. Yes they preferred that I finish my homework before I went to play, but they did not watch over me to make sure my hw was 100% complete before I was released for play time. It was me who did the enforcing. I put pressure on myself to do my best, and a lot of times that resulted in "A" quality work...and yeah I was disappointed when I'd get Chinese Fs, aka Bs. But my parents weren't ever disappointed in Bs.

My parents were really very supportive and didn't ever say mean, abusive things to us. "You're stupid" or the like never came out of my parents' mouths. Most likely it was me and my bro trying to push each other's buttons.

Unlike kids with tiger parents, my brother and I had sleep overs ALL.the.time. Like...every.weekend. There was a time in elementary school where my best friend Laura and I would spend weekends at each other's houses. My brother was exactly the same. As long as our homework and any projects were completed before Monday, my parents were happy.

But there were moments when they pushed us too. My mom pushed me to play the oboe in middle school, even though it was one thing I really didn't want to do. But her pushing me into it was the start of a chain reaction. I kept playing in high school, was placed in the top band, and made good friends through band. And I'm thankful I stuck with it, because I learned a lot of valuable life skills because of music. Practice. Persistence. Discipline. Team work. Dedication. etc. etc. etc.

I can understand the pros and cons of each type of parenting style and in typical Peachy fashion, I like the middle ground, a blend of the two. Rules AND play time. Structure and schedules but also flexibility. I just don't buy into the extremes of anything.

What are your thoughts? Did you grow up with tiger parents, or have friends that had tiger parents?

Thank You Vets

My parents met each other when they were in the Army stationed in Germany. After they decided to get married, my mom got out of the service so she could take care of Bubba and I. My dad went into the Army Reserves so he could be around while we grew up. I will always remember those weekends when Dad would come home from the Reserves all dressed in his camo. I would run outside to meet him in his off white Nissan hatchback. Sometimes he'd let me sit on his lap and "drive" (steer with his help) into the garage. After being gone for most of the day/weekend, I was so happy he was home and could play with us.

When I was in elementary school, my dad's unit was called into active duty and he had to leave for a YEAR to go to Hungary. It was a hard year without him. I missed him like crazy and thinking about it now brings tears to my eyes. Sometime during Christmas time I was watching Hey Arnold and the episode was about someone's dad being gone or going away or something of that nature. It just broke my little heart. I ran downstairs and starting sobbing to my mom and pleading for her to bring back Daddy. That's when she told me we were flying out to Colorado to visit her brother and his family and that Daddy was meeting us out there...just days before Christmas.

photo credit

This all came back to me this morning since it's Veterans Day. I'm so very thankful for all the men and women who have fought for our country. I think we forget that freedom isn't free...it does come at a price and I'm eternally grateful. Thank you Dad, thank you Mom, thank you friends, thank you veterans, for fighting for our country and for our freedom. I love you and will always support you.