balancing act

I can't seem to find the balance in my life right now. I'm either doing too much or not doing enough. Some days I feel like I'm making progress in changing some of my bad habits and other days it feels like they are set in stone. I know I'm not the only person who struggles with this balancing act...but boy do I wish I could a better handle on it.

Blue skies, work and other things

{pretty}

First I want to explain. I don't really get on the internet at this new job (even personal email!)...no one else does, so I feel like it would be inappropriate to be the only one. It's definitely an adjustment from the last job, but it's for the best.

So I'm terribly behind on blog reading and commenting and writing. =( It makes me sad because I feel so out of the loop with everyone. Oh well, it's a compromise right?

Is everyone else LOVING this terrific Spring weather? It's made such a positive impact on my mood. The blue skies, the pretty, pale pink cherry blossoms, the daffodils, and blooming trees...I love it. It is so refreshing after a biting cold winter and rainy days.

[Hello Spring]

Other than work, I'm just trying to take care of life things. I have to confess, being an adult has its perks but really...it's a pain! Being responsible is a lot of work. I like to chalk it up to being young and still adjusting to being a grown up and learning to deal with all that comes with being a big kid. Eventually I'll get it figured out...until I'm a fumbling fool. Oh well!

How is everyone else doing? Please tell me this post finds you well. =)

New beginnings

Tomorrow is my first day at the new job, which feels very similar to the first day of school. I'm excited and looking forward to this new beginning, this new chapter in my life. But along with the newness - I would be lying if I said I wasn't feeling a little nervous and a tad anxious....because I am. But it will be good! I'm thinking positively about it.

I hit the gym this afternoon which helps me release stress. And then I came home and took a nice hot shower. Husband and I are making nan pizza tonight, a definite comfort food for me. And we have a couple redbox movies which will calm my nerves.

{I should get one of these Keep Calm & Carry On posters.}

What do you do to de-stress and calm your nerves? I'm open to suggestions. :)

I hope you all have a great start to the week!

Love & Hugs!

Changes, part IV

It was decided. I was going with Option B, the one that was super close to home and a wonderful opportunity to gain new skills. I'm not sure I can accurately describe the feelings I felt when I finally made my decision. It was a delicious mix of hope, joy, relief, pride, happiness. I was able to let go of the stress, uncertainty, anger, frustration, bitterness that had been building and hanging over my head for over a year. I felt like I lost 5 lbs. Like my hair would stop turning gray prematurely. Like the disorienting, hazy film of negativity was finally wiped away.

The weekend I made my decision was full of relaxation. As a reward, Husband and I walked to the Burger Joint and for some hamburgers with cheese and bacon, onion rings, and sweet potato fries. We spent the evening celebrating with friends, playing as$hole, and living in the moment. We watched movies and snuggled, relaxed and re-energized.

Monday I sent my resignation letter/email to my manager. I never realized you could get an anxious tummy of butterflies over an email. Again a wave of relief and hope washed over me. I didn't have to do this any more. It was time to move on.

My manager handled it exactly as I expected: detached, unemotional, nonchalant, as if my duties were not substantial enough to worry him. His response was a stark contrast compared to how my customers handled the notice. Everyone was surprised and remarkably sad to see me leave, but happy to see me progressing and advancing. The feedback has been wonderful and confirmed for me that I had done a good job.

Changes, part III

I had a couple opportunities I was seriously considering. Each with their pros and cons and being an indecisive person, this was tough.

Current Job

-Location: Falls Church, about 30-60+ min away depending on traffic

-Type of work: budget (which I am not at all trained in), secretariat to a large working group, "operations support" aka secretary for a division chief & his division

-Salary: waaaaay under paid (in my opinion)...as in, I could go to the Employment Equal Opportunity Commission and let them know I'm getting paid less than half what other people with my title get paid

-Company: lets just say it is time to leave...I'm not advancing and I feel like I'm being taken advantage of

Option A

-Verbally expressed on more than one occasion their excitement and high expectations for me in their company

-Location: on base (which, from what I am hearing is becoming a pain in the neck to get on and off in the morning & evenings) & Tysons. So my commute would be comprable to what I'm doing right now, which ranges from 30-60+min depending on traffic

-Type of work: similar to what I'm currently doing...some budget, general assistance to the customer, sounded like I'd be working some long hours and possible weekends

-Salary: I would be hired by the recruiter for 6 months where I would be hourly, and then I would convert to the Company - not ideal, but money would be very good...so good that it was a bit intimidating and made me feel pressured (and I hadn't even started!) and in over my head

-Company: Small, like 30 people. But that meant I could be a big part of the vision and help decide how the company grew

Option B

-Location: 10-15 min away to both the Company's headquarters and to the customer site - this could be totally awesome and would mean no more stress of interstate 395/495 driving, no more getting up at o'dark-thirty, and I would be on the same schedule as Husband!

-Type of work: totally different from what I'm currently doing. Learning a completely new skill set - conceptualizing and developing electronic tool interfaces for a new customer (could open up a whole new world of doors for me in the future). Telework is available too!

-Salary: More than what I currently make but less than Option A, but still a great salary that would really help me pay off some bills and start saving some serious dinero

-Company: big, like 400 people. They promote from within before advertising and looking for outside people. Good benefits. Sounds like a fair and decent company with owners that care about their employees.

{via}

I slept on it and talked it over with Husband. I finally decided that Option B was the best fit for me, for where I currently am in life and for what I'm looking for in a new job. I think it would be a smart career move. I felt such relief and excitement about this new opportunity. It was time for a life change, and I think this is it.

Changes, part II

After 8 or 9 hrs in front of the computer at work, when I get home in the evening I'm more interested in being w/ Husband (than being on the computer). But if I wanted some changes in my life, I needed to put in some serious effort. So I threw myself into job searching. I headed to my parents' house for some resume re-working and applying to some new jobs. I immersed myself in job websites, tweaking my resume, and uploading it everywhere I could.

Little by little, I started to see progress. I got some phone calls, and some emails! People were interested...in ME! For so long I felt hopeless and stuck, but with each interested recruiter my confidence and hope began to grow.

~~~~~~~

The research I did senior year of college told me I needed to be healthy with all this stress and worry. It's so so so easy for me to turn to food when I'm stressed out. But this time I would go the other way. I exercised. I ran around the block a few times. I grabbed a banana instead of two bags of kettle corn. I felt better after some cardio. It gave me some time to myself. Some time to be honest and real. Some time to run out my anger and frustration. It was a much healthier way to deal with things and I could tell my body and mind appreciated it.

Changes, part I

This time I really was at my wits end. I was at the end of my rope and didn't even feel like I had enough to tie a knot to hold on to. Part of me was starting to wonder how everything would work out, while the other part reassured me that God would take care of me. I swung by the church. As I walked up the brick walkway, like so many times before, I could feel the tears welling up inside my eyes. I opened the door to the narthex and was greeted by a woman who works in the office. I asked her, "would you mind if I went into the sanctuary?" She said of course and went on with her work.

It looked different with just the sunlight shining through the windows. It felt so open without the congregation and without the colored fabrics hanging from the pulpit alters. It was comfortable and familiar. I sat and prayed.

~~~~~~~

After that, (as I mentioned before) I started to feel pulled to church. And for once, I listened. I got up and headed to church, preparing and praying for a sermon that would speak to me. My prayers were answered. I was reassured that everything would work out. To have patience. To pray more. I was reminded to be a better person. It was just what I needed. Instead of going home feeling sleepy, I felt re-energized with renewed hope.

ODB

Lately I've been needing more God in my life. Life has a way of sweeping me off my feet, getting me carried away with to-do lists, what's for dinner, and all sorts of other things. I have been busy trying to answer some difficult questions in my life, like what do I really want, what kind of career should I pursue, where do I want to go, am I the person I want to be? Trying to answer all of these questions has been really tough on my own, aka: I've made little progress.

The last few Sundays I've felt very compelled to attend church. And I'm glad that I went because during those services, I felt like the sermon was directed right at me. I had a feeling God was trying to talk to me, guide me, help me and listening to that little voice telling me, "just get up, you can take a nap later" really helped. I have also started reading Our Daily Bread online. When I was younger, my dad always urged me to read daily devotionals but I wasn't ready...until now.

For the last few weeks, ODB has been right on with what I've needed. Reading stories and scripture about the things I'm dealing with, made my decisions and behaviors much clearer and easier for me. One that really spoke to me was Psalm 37. (Does anyone have any favorite devotional sites?)

It can be tough listening to that inner voice. It is so easily covered up by the daily noise of life things. But it is amazing that if we stop and really listen, we can actually find/hear/see/feel God (or whoever/whatever it is you believe in).

I hope everyone is having a happy start to the week!

Life update

I think it's time for a little life update...

Professional life: (I need just a moment to vent.) Last week I was handed an additional task on top of my 8 hour work load. This new task is an full job in itself...yet somehow my boss wants me to cram it all into an 8 now 9 hour period. No I am not getting any sort of compensation...

I went in to talk with him this afternoon because I'm feeling overwhelmed and I'm seriously concerned that I am triple-booked. And he basically said, "you'll figure out a way to handle it once you get used to the ebb & flow of your new work load. And you can always give some of the work to your co-workers." Okay fine, but as far as I know, they are already full up with things to do. I feel like his response just shows how out of touch he is with us minions.

So I'm frustrated. I'm angry. I'm annoyed. But mostly, I feel taken advantage of. I know it will all work out and I'm probably being a big baby. But right now I just want to be mad.

Personal life: My dad's cousin died last week, so I'll be attending a funeral this week. It's pretty sad because cousin Bill was still young (in my eyes) and so full of life. It's hard to imagine his family without him. So if you remember, please send some prayers to my cousins in MD.

As I mentioned, this past weekend I was dog sitting and it went really well. I've been hesitant about getting a dog because I didn't want the additional responsibility. But after hanging out with Jax for a weekend, I realized that it isn't so bad...and it was actually quite enjoyable. And Jax-sitting gave me more faith and confidence in myself as a dog owner. Hooray for that!

This weekend I also got together with my college roommate, KDog. I heart her. I love getting together with her because we get along really well. She's one of those friends where conversation flows easily, we laugh and it's nourishing for the soul. She took me into Georgetown to walk around. I visited Zara for the first time and I like it! The quality of some of the clothes isn't the greatest, but there are so many cute things. And their sale section was pretty good.

After Zara, we walked down to Anthropologie and Kdog said, "It's like being in someone's really cool house; it's huge!" She was right on the money. Anthro in G-town is BIG. We headed downstairs and I almost bit the dust and tumbled down the stairs. Luckily I grabbed the hand rail and Kdog grabbed me and together, we stopped gravity from taking me down. Even though I was embarrassed, I was pleased when I looked up and realized no one really noticed.

So that's the latest with me. I'm sorry I haven't been posting and haven't been commenting the lately...the hours in the day seem to be filling up faster than I can count. I hope everyone is doing well and I miss you.

Peace

...in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul...

Hair cut

I used to hate getting my hair cut. I have thick, coarse, curly hair and it was tough finding a stylist who understood what my hair could handle and what it could not. In my 25 years (geez i feel old), I've only had 3-4 stylists.

My current stylist, Nicole, was recommended by a friend. Of course I checked her out online and found that she is the owner of Ruby Red Salon and is DevaCurl certified. She's certified in cutting curly hair!? Yes please.

Nicole has given me wonderful, wonderful hair cuts for the past year or two. She understands my hair and my needs, and when my hair grows out I'm amazed that it still looks good.

I'm excited today because I haven't had a hair cut in months...and when I leave Ruby Red I feel like a new person. Lighter. Happier. Satisfied. It's as if when she cuts off my split ends, it's like she's cutting away some of my negative energy and restoring me with more positive energy. Which is something I definitely need right now.

I've been feeling a little blue lately. It's a combination of things like work, my purpose in life, my lack of confidence, self doubt, blah blah blah. Maybe it's the gray weather, maybe it's PMS, maybe it's just me in a funk. This just means I'm looking forward to my hair cut this afternoon that much more because I could use a little boost. Every girl needs a pick-me-up now and again, whether it's getting your hair cut, a mani/pedi or taking a bath.

Peace within

MamaH sent this to me this morning and I wanted to share it.

"May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us."

Tigers vs Westerners

There's a bit of buzz going on with Amy Chau's book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother and her "tiger" type of parenting style. I read this article "Chinese moms vs. Western moms: Is there a mother superior?" and just today I read this this man's response, "'Tiger Mothers' Leave Lifelong Scars". In short, Ms. Chau is arguing that the strict Chinese parenting style is superior and produces smarter, more successful children compared to Western parenting.

Some examples of this strict parenting includes not allowing her kids to go to sleep overs or play dates, forcing them to master the piano and/or violin, arguing that nothing is fun until you're good at it. And to be good at something it takes a lot of hard work.

I am in a unique situation because my father is full Chinese and my mom is Caucasian, a little East meets West. When I was growing up my parents were not nearly as strict as tiger parents. And after reading some of these articles and responses, I'm glad I didn't have such a strict upbringing. What I remember most from my childhood is their saying, "do your best, we can't ask for more than that."

As a girl eager to please her parents I took that saying to heart and often enforced it upon myself. Yes they preferred that I finish my homework before I went to play, but they did not watch over me to make sure my hw was 100% complete before I was released for play time. It was me who did the enforcing. I put pressure on myself to do my best, and a lot of times that resulted in "A" quality work...and yeah I was disappointed when I'd get Chinese Fs, aka Bs. But my parents weren't ever disappointed in Bs.

My parents were really very supportive and didn't ever say mean, abusive things to us. "You're stupid" or the like never came out of my parents' mouths. Most likely it was me and my bro trying to push each other's buttons.

Unlike kids with tiger parents, my brother and I had sleep overs ALL.the.time. Like...every.weekend. There was a time in elementary school where my best friend Laura and I would spend weekends at each other's houses. My brother was exactly the same. As long as our homework and any projects were completed before Monday, my parents were happy.

But there were moments when they pushed us too. My mom pushed me to play the oboe in middle school, even though it was one thing I really didn't want to do. But her pushing me into it was the start of a chain reaction. I kept playing in high school, was placed in the top band, and made good friends through band. And I'm thankful I stuck with it, because I learned a lot of valuable life skills because of music. Practice. Persistence. Discipline. Team work. Dedication. etc. etc. etc.

I can understand the pros and cons of each type of parenting style and in typical Peachy fashion, I like the middle ground, a blend of the two. Rules AND play time. Structure and schedules but also flexibility. I just don't buy into the extremes of anything.

What are your thoughts? Did you grow up with tiger parents, or have friends that had tiger parents?

Happy New Year

"Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through." ~Anais Nin

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Friends I am back in town and I have SO much to catch up on...blogs, life, friends, my apartment, etc etc etc.

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas holiday and a happy start to the new year. It feels refreshing to have a new start this year. Like I can shed all my bad habits and work on establishing better and more beneficial ones.

Best wishes and I'll be back with updates soon! Love you, miss you, mean it.

Why I get attached

I have accumulated a lot of jewelry over the years. Some from thrift stores and outdoor vendors. Some from the jewelry line I tried selling. Some made by my mama and some gifted to me from family and friends.

Husband is trying to get me to cut down on my jewelry consumption, and his reasons are justified. Plain and simple, I have way too much jewelry. But I have a hard time letting go because of the memories that are attached. For most of my jewelry I can remember who gave it to me and the occasion.

For example today I am wearing:
Gemstone studs - given to me by Husband when we started dating in college. He wanted them to match the gemstone necklace he gave me in high school.
White gold & pearl necklace - given to me by my dad for high school graduation.
Watch - given to me by Drama Drew during Christmas time probably ~4 years ago because it was left in his gym's lost and found.
Silver bracelet cuff - it was my grandma's.

They all have meaning to me. I feel love and strength from these material things because they remind me that I'm surrounded by love from my friends and family. I look at these things and see my gifter, and it makes me feel closer to them. I think about the strengths of the people who have given me jewelry and remember them during tough moments. If my jewelry belonged to a previous owner, I think about them wearing the same piece and how much life it has seen.

I guess if I give away some of my less worn jewelry, I would be spreading the love. I could share my happiness with someone who will enjoy the jewelry too. It is reassuring to know someone will give it a happy home and create new memories with it.

Pearl photo via
Hershey kiss photo via

Encouragement

I was looking for some encouraging words this morning and came across some Bible verses and other quotes.


“And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” Phil 4:19


"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." Buddha


"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10


"Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully." 1 Peter 5:7 (AMP)


"Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without." Buddha


"Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy."
Desiderata


I hope you all have a wonderful weekend full of peace and contentment. I hope you share laughter with a friend and experience joy from the holiday season. And I hope you have some cookies because it's the weekend and calories don't count (right??).

I wish you enough

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.
I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

Even when the days seem impossible to get through, God speaks to me. Mama H sent me this email and gave me a little dose of perspective. I'm keeping my head up and holding on to the end of my rope. It will all work out, one way or another.

I hate to leave such a sad, kinda depressing post, so I'll end with some good news. I had a great, productive weekend! Husband and I visited our happy place, or otherwise known as Charlottesville. We were visiting Drama Drew and helping him with his private personal training business. We will help him put together his administrative materials...like letterhead, setting up a filing system, marketing, his website, etc.

Drew is a funny guy and he's always goofing around. I was afraid it would be like pulling teeth to get him focused, but I couldn't have been more wrong. This weekend we took pictures and videos for his website and he did a fantastic job. I was really impressed with him. But he has been training for 10 years so it shouldn't be a surprise that he is VERY GOOD at his job. I'm SO SO proud of him for taking on this new adventure. And I'm happy to help him be the best he can be.

Of course, after we were done taking care of business we had a bunch of fun and good food. Like fire roasted pizza, fried chicken and dirty rice, eggs steak & sausage, and BEER RUN double dutch french toast. It was a fun, beautiful weekend and exactly what I needed.

I hope everyone had a happy Monday!

It's all about attitude

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”
~Charles R. Swindoll

Sometimes I need an attitude check. I need to get out of my head and snap back to reality. Sometimes I feel like things in my life are set in stone, but they really aren't. Life is fluid and I am still working to accept that. It's all about how I choose to see things.

Today I choose love, positivity and optimism.

A Happy Weekend

I had a happy weekend. This morning was lazy and earlier this afternoon I walked around an outdoor shopping center with MamaH and Margaret (sister in law). It was a beautiful day and it was nice walking around window shopping with the ladies. It's one of my favorite things. When I got back home, Husband and I went to Target to get some odds and ends for the abode. I love Target runs! And now it's dinner time and Husband is making fish cakes with asparagus & salad. I'm a very lucky lady.

Yesterday was a great day too! I got up early and straightened the apartment a.) because I couldn't sleep anymore and b.) my college roommate was coming over. KD is one of my favorite girlfriends. We're similar in size-a plus for college roommates, we have similar tastes in style-decor-music-fashion, she's smart & funny, and I just love catching up with her. So she and I baked Pumpkin Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies. They are fantastic! The pumpkin flavor is subtle but it gives the cookie great moisture. After 10-12 minutes they were browned but still chewy, the chocolate was melted and warm. The oatmeal gave it good texture. These are seriously delicious cookies. I may even bring them to Thanksgiving this year.

Anyways we spent the afternoon baking and catching up with each other's lives. She helped me think of decorating ideas for areas I was having trouble tackling. It's good to get a fresh perspective.

Later in the afternoon, Huband & I went to his parent's house for Oktoberfest! They invite neighbors and family friends. There's German beer, sausages, sauerkraut, the best German potato salad I've ever/will ever have. They have two fire pits (front yard & back yard) to keep everyone toasty warm. It was an enjoyable time chatting, eating & drinking.

After we were full and happy, we headed home and watched Arrested Development, season 1. Margaret came over later and we zoned out watching the dysfunctional family and eating pumpkin oatmeal chocolate chip cookies.

It was a full day with time with my friends, family and Husband.

Friday night was fun too. We went to Bonefish for dinner. It was nice getting dressed up, drinking wine and flirting with each other. I think date nights are needed and rejuvenating. When we had our fill of good food we headed to our friend's house to hang out for the night.

I felt like it was a balanced weekend. I spent time with friends, family and my sweetheart. I feel grateful for everything in my life.