This time I really was at my wits end. I was at the end of my rope and didn't even feel like I had enough to tie a knot to hold on to. Part of me was starting to wonder how everything would work out, while the other part reassured me that God would take care of me. I swung by the church. As I walked up the brick walkway, like so many times before, I could feel the tears welling up inside my eyes. I opened the door to the narthex and was greeted by a woman who works in the office. I asked her, "would you mind if I went into the sanctuary?" She said of course and went on with her work.
It looked different with just the sunlight shining through the windows. It felt so open without the congregation and without the colored fabrics hanging from the pulpit alters. It was comfortable and familiar. I sat and prayed.
After that, (as I mentioned before) I started to feel pulled to church. And for once, I listened. I got up and headed to church, preparing and praying for a sermon that would speak to me. My prayers were answered. I was reassured that everything would work out. To have patience. To pray more. I was reminded to be a better person. It was just what I needed. Instead of going home feeling sleepy, I felt re-energized with renewed hope.